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Rugby Union – never heaven mainly boring

So this is the game they play in heaven is it?  In that case the concept of heaven must have been drawn up from plans taken from Hieronymus Bosch’s ‘Garden of Earthly Delights’. The glimpses of this...

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The language of violence – Just another conversation with Team Blood

I’m not a wowser.  I’m quite fond of a ‘love-tap’ and a ‘squirrel grip’ when done to a Queenslander.  It springs from the time I injudiciously told an irreverent Bjelke-Petersen joke in that state and...

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England – a smaller land of dopes without glory

Where does England begin and end? Does it start in Capetown and end in Dublin?  Is Scotland England?  I didn’t do geography at school but can someone tell me how can all these moaning, mincing  “You...

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“I’ve never met a nice South African”

  So ‘Take-The’ Mickey Arthur wants a couple of million for allegedly being racially discriminated against. Fair call Mickey. Why not $20M? Go the long-handled tonk big boy you have little to lose...

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Are the Armani Bunnies becoming the new Manly?

One would think most rugby league fans would be celebrating South Sydney being on top of the ARL ladder this year.  However there is a pervading sense that most would like to see South Sydney knocked...

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Punters – put a cross on the door – we are a dying breed

I picked up today’s Herald in hope of a good read.  Fool you say.  You are a simpleton. But you see I’m a dewy-eyed optimist despite the fact I know pessimists never get disappointed.  But after...

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Hird the word? He’s Roi de Merde

I don’t like people in their fifties with personal trainers.   In fact if they are only twenty to forty something and I see them grunting and sweating on the kikuyu as they shadow box in my local park...

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Back to the future – getting Rugby out of the Funk

I was dragged up in the world of unlimited tackle rugby league on the coalfields.  A time of wet Saturdays where glue-like churns of cricket pitch mud turned local games into wet ugly propositions of...

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Fascinators and fools starring at the Theatre of the Absurd

I don’t read the Daily Terror much these days as there is enough horror looking in the bathroom mirror each morning without having to contend with nut crushers like “What woman in their 20s need to get...

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In defence of calling James Packer a mean-spirited prick

I have often lain awake after a night on the claret cordial thinking whether an informed jury of my peers would convict me for ever calling Jamie ‘Al’ Packer a mean-spirited prick.  Unsure of the...

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What’s in a name… Jarrad, Jarryd, Jarrod, Javin?

A few months ago ‘Fancy Pants’ Clancy sent me a short piece from Peter Cronin in the Monthly.  Peter cleverly placed some of the 2013 AFL players into certain ‘name’ categories.  ‘Pants’ suggested that...

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Stop the dopes! A raft of dunces sails on

As I swagger around the CBD Sydney streets looking for fat sunburnt Poms to taunt, with my Australian colours wrapped around my swollen gut and my post Ashes glow shining, I  do so with absolute...

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Stuff the Crackers Reg

I’m going to throw my cards clearly on the table. I really couldn’t give a flying fart about NYE.  To me it’s just another lame excuse for people with too much hop juice in their flat heads to further...

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Howzat for a summer of fat and foolishness

I was unlucky enough to be in the same room as Ian ‘Charity’ Botham in mid-November. ‘Charity’ was there to speak, for a fee I assume, to a gathered group of people who were there to support the...

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The Fat Merchants of Menace

I recently spent what seemed a lot of time up at Bogan Bay.  For those who don’t know where that is you just head up the M1 about 150 clicks north until you reach Lardtown and then turn right.   It’s...

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Diamonds are forever dull in this town Bud!

I was having a quite time at the Club that time Forgot.  I saw him coming through the doors but he saw me first.  It was my acquaintance Freddy the Ferret who approached, dressed to spill, as if...

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Swings and soft touches and an all-rounded education

I was in a cafe at the pointy end of the suburb where I occasionally sleep last Sunday morning.  It’s Balmain – the suburb where ‘boys’ allegedly never cried. After ordering a cup of get-up from the...

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A contrast of clowns – The Bubbler and Bozo

I believe that my innovative ideas for sport and society in general have been treated unfairly in the past.  For example, the idea of combating childhood obesity by having weighing scales and narrower...

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Please spare me – not another tosh sodden story about the Rusties

It has taken a lot to get me back to the typewriter.   But the avalanche of rugby league tosh and bum-fuddle that has bloated the Daily Dread and the slim-line Clever Chronicle about the Rusties for...

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Rabbid Abbott – Saviour, Psychopath or Simple Shirtlifter?

Within 24 hours of his statement that he was going shirt Putin,Tony Abbott has backed away from a blue by saying he was now going to have “a robust conversation, a very robust conversation”.  What a...

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